You have got to check out www.sfherald.com! By the time you read this I should have 2 exciting new features on it. The first one is SF Herald Personals. Are you a lonely heart? Then click on sfherald.com and meet that special man or woman (or both). Men seeking women, women seeking men, men seeking men, women seeking women. Hey, it’s all on www.sfherald.com! And it’s sooooooo inexpensive. Why not spend a few bucks and meet some great people from all over the Bay Area, hell, all over the world, than spend it getting ripped in some bar having potential dance partners turn you down all night? Forget those places! Log on to SF Herald Personals at www.sfherald.com! And now, for those of you who can’t take control over your own lives: Check out the latest in your astrological forecast with Rockie Horoscope, online at www.sfherald.com. Heh, heh... Only kidding, Rockie.

Only kidding, you astrology buffs out there. You’re great. I love ya. Check it out at www.sfherald.com. Did I mention that address? It’s www.sfherald.com!... R.I.P. - Benjamin Orr. Who? Well, for those of you over 35, you may remember Ben Orr. Ben Orr was bass player and secondary lead singer (Ric Ocasek was the main one) for the late ‘70’s/early ‘80’s rock group The Cars. Ric had the quirky, early "new wave" nauseous sounding voice. Ben was the crooner ("Who’s gonna drive you hoooome toniiiight?", "It’s just another alibi... Bye Bye Love.", "Life’s the same, when moving in stereo...", "Candy-O, I need you so!"). Anyway, according to his obituary, he died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 53 in Atlanta, where he had a band called Big People. I remember being a Beatle-maniac in ‘79 and ‘80 and not liking any of the new music that was coming out then. To me it was all this heavy metal/hard rock white trash shit.

Oh yeah, and southern rock, too; The Charlie Daniels Band, Molly Hatchet, The Marshall Tucker Band. Oh god, I recall mind-blowing awful crap like Ted Nugent. I remember being a 13 year old on Long Island and this idiot named Sean Bates playing Ted’s "music" on a ghetto blaster around the neighborhood, circa 1978. It was that "Live Gonzo" album, I think, where Mr. Nugent announced to a bunch of drunken and drugged Neanderthals that he was gonna rock out, and that "anyone who came here tonight just to chill out and mellow can just turn around AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" or something like that. Hot fuckin’ Tuna! Uriah Heep. I hated all that stuff, but these idiots dug it, including Hank Strole, this dolt I hung out with back in 8th grade.

I remember it wasn’t cool to like "new wave" music; those weirdoes with short hair who couldn’t play their instruments. Alas, The Cars and Joe Jackson broke that taboo in America (and then later The Police, U2, The Clash, and... hey what is this? New Wave 101?) Anyway, this issue is dedicated to Ben Orr. Hell, it’s dedicated to Ben and anyone else who ever got on a dance floor shit-faced drunk when they heard "I don’t mind you coming here and wasting all my time... (yada yada yada)... I guess you’re just what I needed! I needed someone to feed! I guess you’re just what I needed! I needed someone to bleed! Yeah, yeah... So bleed me!" So long, Ben.... Other recent obituaries: Gus Hall, 4-time Communist candidate for U.S. president, Ring Lardner, Jr., one of the Hollywood Ten that got blacklisted during the McCarthy years, and Shirley Hemphill, the large woman comic who played the waitress on the late ‘70’s ABC sitcom "What’s Happenin’!"

Crepemania is now open in North Beach at 464 Broadway. Go on in and see Mohamed.... Speaking of North Beach, I was there a few weeks ago at the Condor Sports Bar, watching the Yankees come from behind and beat the shit out of the Mariners in game 2 of the ALCS when I ran into some fellow obnoxious ex-New Yorker Yankee fans. They’re cool guys (hey, they’re fans of the SF Herald, so they must be cool) who own a dot-com company (wow, in San Francisco, imagine that) called Internet Elements. Check it out at, take a guess... right...

www.internetelements.com.... Crucial: Make sure you use any and every coupon ad in this issue! Look for them and use them! Even if you don’t want to use them, use them anyway!... I’d love to live near Java Beach (the area around Judah and La Playa near The Great American Highway.) If anyone is looking for a roommate to pay cheap rent around there, contact me, Gene Mahoney, at (415) 267-3957. I live in THE HOOD now. It's all right, except for that damn dog that keeps barking day and night outside my window. It's a real mean looking thing, too. Kind of like a cross between a German Shepard and a rabid Pit Bull. I used to love dogs before I moved in here. Now if I saw "Old Yeller" I'd probably stand up and cheer when the kid shoots that mutt. Aside from the dog it's okay here. Except for one night a month or so ago when the guy who lives in the basement went crazy at 2:30 one Tuesday morning and started screaming obscenities and slamming doors.

Ben Grimm, a housemate and infamous SF Herald music critic, poked his head down to see what was up and nearly got it bitten off. Ben called the cops and luckily, San Francisco's finest came by and calmed the guy down a bit (Thanks, Guys!). But Ben was so freaked he left that night and never came back. Luckily, I tracked him down so I'd still have someone to review CD's. So anyway, someone let me live near the beach, okay?... Hey, I know three young women who are probably laughing their heads off about that last item. Three young women who comprise the San Francisco techno-punk band Kindness. Ben really savaged their CD last issue. I didn’t hear the CD, but they gave me a 2-song cassette with a song I really dug called "For That". The drummer used to be in 4 Non-Blondes ("What’s Going On?"). Check out Kindnesstheband.com.... Two Jack’s Seafood is now 20 years old. Go there for Almeta Perry’s southern fried fish and chicken. 3 locations at 401 Haight, 984 Gilman, and 167 Leland....

I shouldn’t mention this town because it’s probably the last place in the Bay Area that still has the old pre-dot com feel to it and one of you cell-phone yakkin’, SUV-driving yuppies are going to read this and move there and help make life hell for those nice people, but, what the hell, I’m short on material for this column, so screw ‘em: I’m talking about Fairfax in Marin County. I visited there last month and fell in love with it. There’s a quaint pizzeria there called Ghiringhelli’s. I recommend it. Go on in and say hi to Summer, the friendly waitress.... Naser Rashed owns New York Pizza Kitchen at 127 Eddy @ Mason. I haven’t eaten there yet, but supposedly it’s like real New Yawk pizza (Rashed lived in Queens for 3 years). Check it out by calling 409-1212....Mike (I forgot his last name), who owns Sakana, that popular downtown restaurant, has opened a new eatery a couple of doors down at 605 Post (corner of Taylor). It’s called Thai Ginger.

The food, as described by Theo, the manager: "Modern, clean. The food tastes good. A very basic, affordable restaurant." Did you hear that? What a gift for words! What are you waiting for? Head on down there! Nice lime green walls, too, with pretty blue pendants hanging.... Hey, do you know that really unnoticeable, incognito place on 1368 Irving @ 15th? Of course you don’t! It’s unnoticeable and incognito! Well, I walked in there a few weeks ago to harass the owner into taking out an ad with me and, according to said owner Cyril Callahan, it’s the oldest Irish pub in the city! It’s called Terry’s Lounge and was originally on Haight Street until owner Mike Fitzpatrick ("a good Cavan man") moved it in ‘68 because of all those damn hippies. Cyril? Mike? Why is it called Terry’s Lounge, you might ask. The original proprietor was Terry Bolin....

And now on to a much different kind of bar: Starting November 24th, "The Fabulous Dennis Crow" returns to Marlena’s for some piano bar music (Thursdays, Fridays, & Saturdays at 9:30pm.) It’s at 488 Hayes Street. Call 864-6672 for more info.... They filmed an MTV commercial on November 3rd at Cable Car Pizza (535 Valencia @ 16th in the NEW Mission) and Said, the owner, may need some people to be in the next one (which may be on CNN). Stop by, order a slice, and chat him up. NO PHONE CALLS regarding being in the commercial.... It’s like a garage sale 365 days a year: Go shopping for the holidays at Ricky’s Antiques & Collectibles (682 Geary @ Leavenworth). Opened in 1998 by Rick Tellez, "Ricky’s" doesn’t refer to Rick, but his son Ricky, who had a liver transplant when he was 13 months old back in ‘82, making him the first liver tranplant baby on the West coast (and only the second in the U.S.).

Ricky had a second liver transplant back in ‘89. When I talked to Rick in March of last year he said his son was doing great. Hopefully he still is. Rick opened his store because he had a similar shop in Hunter’s Point called Ricky’s Garage Sale. It was open solely on Saturdays and paid for Ricky’s medical bills. All merchandise sold (or swiped) from Rick’s store comes from military bases worldwide that are closing. Rick is a retired Navy Chief Petty Officer, a SEABEE (Navy Construcion Battalion), highly decorated, and was wounded 3 times in Vietnam. When I spoke with Rick last year he said his son should be attending West Point when he graduates high school, which should be this spring. Anyway, go on in and buy some merchandise. Right now! And that’s an order!...

Cinema Heaven proudly presents Classic American and Foreign Films From 1930 to 1959 at Borders Books & Music (400 Post, 4th floor) Saturday evenings with your host, Barbara Belle-Diamond. I stumbled onto it on September 30th when she showed "Mildred Pierce", the 1945 Joan Crawford classic (or at least semi-classic). Here’s what’s playing over the next few weeks: 11/11- The Lady Eve, 11/18- Ball of Fire, 11/25- Meet John Doe. 12/2- Dark Victory, 12/9- All This And Heaven, Too, 12/16- Jezebel, 12/23- All About Eve, 12/30- Of Human Bondage. Now that you’ve read that, for all you film-ignorant people (like me), November is for Barbara Stanwyck and December is for Bette Davis....

Speaking of movies, Barely Legal perform along with the Uber-cult flick "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" Saturday nights at the Parkway Theater (1834 Park, at Lake Merritt, in Oakland). Midnight, of course. It’s a funky cinema, too, with living room chairs and tables instead of the usual theater seating. Oh, and before the show, you could always grab a $2.50 bottle of Bud next door at the Parkway Lounge. I ran into some Barely Legal cast members there, one of which ("Janet" as I recall) was having her 21st birthday that night. The guy drinking next to me was making out with his girlfriend when they weren’t watching the TV over the bar, which was playing clips of the finest brawls in professional sports. While madam was in the sand box, I asked him if he was a regular Rocky viewer.

He said it was his first time ("A virgin!") and they just came here because this party they went to in Fairfax sucked. That surprised me, because he was wearing a long silk skirt and I figured he was dressed for the show. His girlfriend was really cute, too. Maybe I should start wearing dresses and get all the babes.... More about movies: Thanks to Wesley Smith (Smith, not Snipes) who was nice enough to play the first few minutes of a film for me at the place where he works (Video Control, 2095 Market @ Church). San Francisco’s hottest new artist, Laurie Jacobs, and I just had dinner at Leticia’s Mexican Restaurant on upper market (we’re just friends, folks, don’t call the Enquirer) when she told me I just HAD to see this flick where this woman was driving in her car and lip-synching to a motivational cassette by my hero, late-night motivational guru Tony Robbins.

Well, Wesley wouldn’t let us sit on the floor and watch the WHOLE movie, but he was nice enough to play that part of it before he threw us out. The movie is called "Goodbye Lover", released in 1998. I don’t know who directed it but it stars Patricia Arquette and Don Johnson. That’s right... San Francisco’s own Don Johnson! I know he’s a Missouri boy, but dammit, he’s one of ours now. Hey Don, if you’re reading this, could you send me an autographed glossy photo of yourself so I can give it to my mother in Florida when I visit her this Christmas? She’s a huge "Nash Bridges" fan. Could you make it out to Andrea? Hey, it would mean a lot. Could you mail it to me at: 815 Geary, suite 115, SF, CA 94109? Thanks! And thanks to all of you for picking up this paper. Just make sure you use all the coupons in it.