March 2002
Hey there, everybody. As I write this it’s 6:58 AM on Monday, March 18th
and I’ve got to belt out this column, work on some more layout, and get
the newspaper boards for this issue from Burlingame to Sonoma by noon. I’m
really burning the candle at both ends lately, even more than usual, because
this is the month that my second newspaper, the Silicon Valley Review, debuts.
That’s why this issue’s Good Clean Fun comic is a rerun from February
2001. I know, I know... sorry. But I’ve been selling ads and organizing
things, so I just haven’t had the time. Yes, I know the reason why Moonlighting
eventually lost it’s audience is because there were too many reruns, but
Bruce and Cybill weren’t selling ads and doing everything else, too. I
swear that next issue will have a new cartoon. From now on they’re going
to be longer as well; seven pages, just like the old days. I’ve been inspired
by meeting some strange people and having some weird things happen to me recently,
so hopefully the comic pages will get some new life in them.
Thanks to everyone who heeded my advice in last issue’s column and sent
me money in the mail! Right now I’m up to $47. A special thanks to Denny
Anderson, who just moved to the west side of the bay and got a job as an apartment
manager in Tenderloin Heights. He wrote that he saw the Herald in a local coffee
shop, enjoyed it, and decided to send me $25 for good luck. What a guy! Thanks
also to this psychologist woman who sent me $10 and offered psychiatric help
to all the writers on my staff! We should all get together and have a group
therapy session with her. Actually, if the shrink is reading this now, send
us a brief psychological profile outlining what you think is wrong with each
of us and perhaps I’ll print it in a future issue. There were also some
nice people who sent in 2 bucks or so. Well thank yuh very much! And if you
haven’t sent in any money yet, start! If you’ve been reading this
rag for a while BE A PAL and slip a buck in the mail to me at: Gene Mahoney,
SF Herald, 815 Geary #115, SF, CA 94109.
You have to be 18 or older to send me money, and if it’s over $10, please
send a check. I don’t want kids raiding their parents’ wallets and
I want to be able to track down people to return some money in the unlikely
event they’ll send me too much. Come on, if you can buy into KQED’s
claim that they are the number one public TV station in the country and send
them money, you can send me a buck . Actually, I don’t mean to put down
KQED. They have some good shows. But I just don’t understand how they
can be the number one PBS station in America. Wouldn’t it be logical to
assume WNET in New York is? After all, New York City has a population ten times
that of San Francisco, plus their signal reaches out to Long Island and Westchester
County. Also, take into account that New York isn’t some hick town in
Alabama. It has a lot of people who watch public TV. My native New York has
a lot of intellectuals. Real ones, too. Not the New-Age-self-help-book-reading-bubbleheads
we have here. I’ve never been able to figure that numero uno claim about
KQED out. Maybe someone can explain it to me. Either way, it’s our local
public station, so send them some dough. But more importantly, send ME some
dough! Even if it’s just a buck. Once again, though, you must be 18 to
send it and anything over $10 has to be in check form. Okay, ‘nuff said.
Thanks as well to the mighty Ace Backwords for his nice letter this issue (and
the $10 he sent!) and to his protege, B.N. Duncan. They write such nice things
about me this issue. Actually, they kiss my ass. It’s almost like this
show that used to be on when I was a kid before I could stay up late. It was
on for a season, I think in 1973, right before the original Saturday Night Live
debuted. It was called Sammy and Company, starring Sammy Davis, Jr. I think
it was the comic Eugene Levy who offered a take sort of like this on it:
It was a talk show where all they did was kiss each other’s butts. Sammy
would come out and do his number. The crowd would applaud. He would cry and
thank the audience for being so wonderful. Then a guest would come out and Sammy
would fawn all over him. The guest would reply in kind by fawning all over Sammy.
Sammy would volley back a barrage of flattery. The guest would return the favor:
“I have to say this. I can’t keep it to myself anymore. You are
one of the greatest talents in the world.”
(Applause)
“Oh, no, no. Get out of here, Sammy. YOU are the greatest entertainer
in the world and you know it!”
(Wild Applause)
“Man, oh, man... you’re great. But really, YOU’RE the best.
Not me. I worship the ground you walk on. (Tears) I really do, man.
I love you!”
(A few claps, tears from the audience)
“I LOVE YOU, SAMMY! WE ALL LOVE YOU! Isn’t that right, everybody?”
(Sammy and guest hug)
(Wild, wild applause, whistling, tears)
“Man, would you like to do another number?”
“Only if you sing it with me, Sammy!”
(Applause)
(Sammy and guest take the stage and butcher a then-current Top 40 hit)
Then another guest would come out and it would start all over. Anyway, thanks
for all the nice letters from Ace, Duncan, and all the new friends who have
written me since I started begging for money. And now, on to some news....
The lovely Martha Zlatar sends me this:
FINDING SPACE FOR ART: Are you an emerging artist interested in exhibiting opportunities?
Do you have extra space and want artwork on your walls? If you’ve answered
YES to any of the above questions then you might want to join the ArtMatch Community.
Artmatch is the place where artists find their gigs and art spaces their art.
Our goal is to create a solid network of potential venues and spaces around
the San Francisco Bay Area where emerging visual artists can explore exhibiting
opportunities. An art space or venue can be an art gallery, a restaurant, a
coffee shop, a bar, a hospital, an empty building, a hotel, a beauty salon or
even someone’s house. The idea is for artists to have access to potential
exhibiting opportunities and to get exposure in conventional and unconventional
venues. To register with us or for more information please contact us at: ARTMATCH,
Attn: Martha Zlatar, 1060 Bush #212, SF, CA 94109, (415) 309-0692, artmatch@hotmail.com,
www. Artmatch.org.
Thanks to everyone who came out to see Kimberlye Gold perform an acoustic set
at San Francisco’s newest restaurant, Zebulon (83 Natoma, off 2nd between
Mission and Howard.) If you haven’t been to Zebulon yet, make sure you
go. The food is great; especially the Mango Chicken, which is so delicious I
often can’t sleep at night as I toss and turn in anticipation for the
day to arrive so I can go there and order it. It’s a nice little hideaway
to eat dinner at before a Giants game, or before you have a few drinks at 111
Minna Gallery, which is just a hop, skip, and a jump away.
Another great place to eat dinner is at my favorite Italian restaurant in town,
Borgo (located at Fell and Laguna in Hayes Valley.) Recently Kimberlye Gold
and I had dinner there with former senior editor of Rolling Stone Ben Fong-Torres
(name drop) and his wife, Dianne. Sergio the owner was having a good time and
Boris the Croatian chef made us an endless potpouri of eggpant with mozarella
cheese, tomatoes, proscrutto smoked salmon capers, grilled vegetables, risotto
marinara melanese (ala Sergio), homemade fettucini with porcini mushrooms, lasagne
with mozarella cheese, parmeson cheese, gnocci and ravioli, red snapper with
broccolli, potatoes, ice cream and cannoli... and a whole bunch of other delights.
Man, we were about to explode! Ben was impressed with the establishment’s
owner, saying: “He’s a showman and this is his show.” Go there
and see the show for yourself.
Right down the street from where I live is the Burlingame Museum of Pez Memorabilia
(214 California Drive, Burlingame, CA 94010, (650) 347-2301.) I never noticed
it before. It’s the largest public display of Pez Candy Dispensers in
the world! I walked in and met Gary Doss, who runs the place with his mother.
Gary owned the place when it was a store called Computer Spectrum. Says Mr.
Doss: “8 years ago I brought down my Pez collection for people to look
at while they waited, and it took over.” Gary then told me he was headed
down to Los Angeles for the PEZcific Coast Convention to hang out with other
Pez-heads. Apparently there are other people who collect these things, too.
The museum is open Tuesday through Saturday from 10 AM to 6 PM....
Attention all musicians: Francesca’s (2135 Old Middlefield Road in Mt.
View. I think it’s Mt. View, the flyer they gave me doesn’t say)
presents The John Handy Slam Jam every Thursday, 9 PM till 12 PM (it says 12
PM but I think they mean 12 AM.) All musicians are welcome (blues, classic soul,
jazz, rock, reggae). Call (650) 965-1162 for more info.
If you wish to read more click here!
Gene can be emailed here