by Gene Mahoney

Sunset Sauna, Grand Central Hot Tub & Sauna, Roccapulco"--- make sure you use their coupons in this issue.... There’s a new cafe called Buzz 9, located at 139 Eighth Street @ Minna, where The Chat House was. The owner, who hails from South Africa and requested anonymity, describes it as "A funky, trendy, Euro-ish cafe.".... Another relatively new coffeehouse is Kaleo Cafe (1340 Irving at 15th Avenue) which offers a Hawaiian ambiance and recently had a poetry night. Maybe they’ll have another one. Check out www.kaleocafe.com.... I was going to write about a new sushi place that has a really great all-you-can eat buffet offer, but the owner decided to back out of his ad at the last minute, so fuck ‘im. I should have seen it coming. I guess he didn’t want to commit to running a quarter page ad, after all $150 for 2 issues of advertising is a BIG investment. I should have seen it coming when he told me I should lower my price because some dot-com advertising company I never heard of (hell, probably NO ONE has ever heard of) offered him a year’s worth of advertising for merely $180. After I signed him up, I ran into Jim Barbara (Starving Artist’s Design) and told him the story. Jim laughed: "How many people do you know search for sushi of the web?" Well, sushi boy, if you’re reading this, I have to tell you; you are one shrewd businessman. Let’s see, for $75 this issue you would have had an ad telling my loyal readers about your restaurant, and you would have had a nice piece I wrote about you, not this obnoxious rant which doesn’t even give your name and address (hey, there’s no such thing as bad publicity, right?). Way to go, guy. Keep pushing that bait.... Peter Eng, owner of Hana Zen Yakitori and Sushi Bar (115 Cyril Magnin) left a message about the latest star sightings there: Harrison Ford and Kevin Nash from the WCW (though something tells me they didn’t dine together).... He said he would have this ready by the time this issue comes out so if it’s not there blame him not me: The name’s Dong. Dr. Bruce Dong. And he’s the hippest optometrist in town. His optometry business even has a hip name. It’s called Pacific Rims, and it’s located in the inner Sunset at 619 Irving. Look in this display window for a setting he calls "Cirque Du Optique", which involves the beautiful Circus dolls from Katherine’s Collection. Each doll is hand-crafted with attention to detail. Go on in and buy one for the holidays. Subject to availability....The Music Store, which specializes in used CD’s and videos, has moved a few feet down to 66 West Portal.... This tip from the vivacious acoustic guitar player you find in the Haight Ashbury district: Living Alternatives Records, Where bands get paid promoting their music online, http://johnthebaker.freewebsites.com.... Shazan Indian & Pakistani Restaurant (869 Geary @ Larkin) is now specializing in vegetarian organic cuisine. "We have more choices for vegetarian tastes than any other Indian or Pakistani restaurant in town," declares the owner, Mr. Abudalib Hassan, whose eatery has been open for a year and a half already. His customers are very loyal to him. When I put him down in issue 4 about his backing out of an ad he was going to place in the Herald, some of his customers offered to beat the masala out of me. Open for breakfast, lunch and dinner.... I found a place that sells half-bottles of wines (they’re called "splits", right?) at Sunshine Wine & Liquor (1754 Haight, across from The Red Vic). I was helped by the lovely and courteous pair of Abeba Woletensea and Elen Kidane of "east Africa".... East of that liquor shop, The Golden Triangle head shop has moved from 1340 Haight to 1334 Haight and has taken the sign (and, consequently, the name) of The Full Spectrum, the indoor horticulture shop that used to occupy said premises. They did stick a new slogan on the old sign though: "Head Shop for Connoisseurs".... Good Vibrations in the Castro hosted a party on August 9th for "The Pain Game", a new documentary video by French S&M queen Cleo Dubois. See www.cleodubois.com for more info. Ouch!.... A lot of writers come up to me and ask, "Gene, what do I have to do to get my work published in the Herald?" Well, do what David Highsmith did; take out advertising with me. Heh heh, only kidding, Dave. David Highsmith is a fine, dare I say "CUTTING EDGE" poet whose been running that S. Clay Wilson drawn ad for his Books & Bookshelves shop (99 Sanchez @ 14th). Dave’s convinced the only response he’s received from his ad in the year he’s run it is from "two derelicts who walked in and said they saw my ad in the Herald." Hey, maybe he was talking about me and Bill Soeldner (frequent SF Herald letter writer and former owner of the now defunct Bill’s Basic Bookshelves). So go on in and by a holiday gift from Dave and tell him you saw his ad in this here newspaper. Also, visit the small press book section he keeps in the back of his place.... I ran into a pretty good tortured artist/sensitive guy playing guitar at the Berkeley Bart on Labor Day. His name is Ted Ekman and he plays around the Bay Area. Get his CD by checking out www.tedekman.net.... Gore Fans: Rita Tonucci and Adam Chedister are selling Lick Bush 2000 buttons for only a buck at the corner of Market and Castro every Wednesday through Sunday. They can register you to vote, too....And with that segue, it’s time for an endorsement for the 2000 presidential race: The editorial board of the San Francisco Herald (myself) hereby endorses Al Gore for president of the United States of America. What’s that, Gene? We thought you would have been for Ralph Nader. Ralph’s a nice guy, he’s done some great work as a public advocate... but come on... president? First of all, he’s not going to win, and a vote for Nader is a vote for Bush. You may think that Clinton and Gore betrayed the "progressive" movement by becoming little more than liberal Republicans, but think back to the first 2 years of Clinton’s term. Aside from the executive orders he signed his first week in office, his more liberal agenda wasn’t going over well, resulting in the Republican takeover of Congress in the ‘94 elections. So he had to steer a little more to the right just to stay in office. If Smilin’ Bill couldn’t get a semi-liberal agenda through the House and Senate, do you really think ol’ Ralphie Boy has a chance in Hell? What good is voting for a guy who’s not going to get elected, and if somehow he did, would just get voted out the next term with none of his agenda passed? Sure Hillary, if she really was the great humanitarian she always claimed she was, should have pressured her husband to use his popularity (well, not exactly popularity, but "high job performance approval ratings") to get some more "progressive" pieces of legislation passed, like Eleanor Roosevelt did with FDR, but, well, that’s them. Maybe not voting for Nader is just more of a mind-association thing with me. I remember some Nader supporters I spoke with brag about how they were "peace activists" during Kosovo last year, like advocating doing nothing makes you morally superior to stopping mass rape and slaughter. I guess that makes that David Cash creep who stood by as his friend killed that little girl in some casino restroom years ago a saint. Oh well, hopefully everything will work out; Gore will win, and we won’t have to see Dubya and Dick anymore, and if the voters of The Empire State have any brains, we won’t have to see Bill and Hillary anymore, either.... Star Alliance, a non-profit initiative for world peace, needs financial and volunteer support to promote their organization and web site (www.staralliance.net). Call (510) 848-2764 (That was a strange segue, after my little rant about NATO).... Maybe it’s still there: Raphael Thrift Store (1047 Sutter, between Hyde & Larkin) has a neat oil painting on display in their window. I’d buy it myself if I wasn’t so broke due to my poor career choice of publishing this rag. Either oil or acrylic, it’s an image of Bob Mitchum looking down on Gregory Peck and his terrified wife and daughter from the 1961 thriller "Cape Fear". This masterpiece is located right next to a painting of someone holy looking (possibly Jesus), and it’s merely $35! Hey, one of you dot-commies with too much imaginary money on your hands: if you enjoy this publication, and feel guilt-ridden reading it for free, buy me the painting so I can give it to my pal Robert Brooks. He played me a video of "Cape Fear" years ago and I really dug it, though not as much as Rob, whose probably seen it 20 times. People told me the remake with Robert DeNiro and Nick Nolte was better, and I’m sure from a filmmaker’s point of view it probably was (considering Martin Scorsese directed the remake and the original film’s director later oversaw "Conquest for the Planet of the Apes"). Nonetheless, Robert refuses to see the newer film. When asked, "How do you know the remake isn’t as good if you haven’t seen it?" Robert explodes with his standard "I know! I just know!" explanation. Anyway, that painting’s lookin’ mighty juicy, counselor, so someone buy it for me, okay?.... If you can’t kick the meat habit, at least don’t eat hamburgers. Go on down to Hungry Jack’s (formerly Tina’s Restaurant at 83 Eddy off Mason) and grab yourself a mouth-watering Buffalo Burger. Says Mike the manager of the place: "They’re great tasting, all natural, low in cholesterol and fat, high in protein, environmentally friendly, with no growth hormones, stimulants, or antibiotics.".... There’s a new place to buy women’s clothing, so you guys in San Francisco listen up. It’s called Momoca, and is owned by the lovely Ms. Tomoko Tsuchiya, who’s 24 and comes from Japan (well, with a name like that where else would you come from?) Tomoko (who won’t advertise with me) designs and sews some of the clothes at her shop. She can’t speak English too expressively, so her friend Ben offers a detailed description of her designs: "Inevitably there’s a Japanese influence." A former art student, Tomoko painted the walls of Momoca. Go see for yourself at 244 Dwight Way (off Telegraph) in the heart of Berkeley, www.momoca.com.... In the local world of men’s clothing, One Sutter Men’s Clothing has moved to 176 Sutter, and Z&K Clothiers has opened a new shop a few doors up called Men’s World (where, ironically, Juice World was) at 335 Kearney.... Make sure you visit the lovely and talented Felicity at Felicity’s Fetiche for the finest apparel for the showgirl in you. Downstairs from Felicity is good ol’ Hank Wolny and his exotic shoe store Foot Worship. The latest from Hank: "Some guy read I had the best shoe store in the US, so he drove up from LA, bought 2 pairs of boots, then drove back to catch his plane to Belgium. Also, a prominent drag queen, who was the inspiration, (s)he says, for PRISCILLA, QUEEN OF THE DESERT, saw us on the web and bought a pair of shoes. We have no web site." So what the hell are you waiting for? Go on down and see Felicity and Hank at 1214 Sutter @ Polk today.... Notes from Underground, the winner of the SF Herald Readers’ Poll 2000 for Best Cafe in the Marina, has a new owner. It’s unfortunate, heck, a downright shame that the previous owner, Ms. Aysu Zeidman, didn’t hang on the place long enough to see her name associated with such an honor. Oh well. Sayd Naser Al-Mualla and his bro, Sayd Amer Al-Mualla are the new sheriffs in town now, and they’re very excited about their new acquisition. Says Naser: "We’re adding more food, like sandwiches -- salads... the best in town. I guarantee my salads. The middle eastern food here is made on the premises." Those premises are at 2399 Van Ness (@ Green).... The best part of a bad night I had a few months ago was seeing the extremely lovely, very talented, and pretty darn eccentric Mary Cary and her band Electric Peach play Maritime Hall. Their set was fun, sort of light neo-psychedelic mixed with ‘80’s New Wave. However, shortly thereafter, I was sent news clippings from the band’s drummer Jim Lang about Mary and her 3 year old son being attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets after stumbling across a hornet’s nest in Mill Valley. They were stung 18 times each by the angry insects. Thank God they’re all right. Mary told the local reporter, Mark Prado, that she planned on writing a song called "Let it Bee" as an ode to the harrowing incident. Good advice. Mary also said she plays guitar on the "Got Milk" commercial where someone sings a ballad about "a town without milk". The band after them was great, too. They’re called Casino Royale and perform Burt Bacharach songs with a bunch of go-go dancers.... I drove down to Los Angeles last month and met a good friend of mine from high school (back on Long Island in the early ‘80’s) and after dinner at that Mexican restaurant I used to live next to in Marina del Rey, we parted and I couldn’t find lodging. That is until I drove all the way down to Koreatown (where most people speak Spanish) and got a room thanks to Minh at the Vermont Motel (1717 S. Vermont Avenue). I told Minh that if he put me up I’d thank him in my next issue. Thanks, Minh! It’s not exactly The Fairmont, but there’s always a friendly security guard to watch your car in their garage, pipin’ hot coffee and fresh bananas right next to the lobby elevator, and best of all -- The Playboy Channel!!!! Man, I can’t believe how graphic their programming is. It’s even more risque than ads in the back pages of the Bay Guardian and SF Weekly. And they show that stuff in the morning, too! To think when I was a kid I couldn’t wait to wake up so I could watch Bugs Bunny. Anyway, if you want a decent room at a decent price, visit the Vermont. Oh, and if you want a decent room for only 2 hours, I think that’s available, too. While I was in LA I got to meet famed SF Herald columnist Howard Hallis and his pal Erik. Nice guys. Funny, too. I’m really gland Howard writes for this rag and I’ll bet you guys do, too.... That new store on Folsom between 6th & 7th that just says "Bicycles" has a name. A good one, too. It’s called Road Rage, opened 5 months ago by Ms. Sandy Dunn and her partner, I think his name is Oliver. I forget. Anyway, Sandy’s from Brisbane, Australia and left Oz in ‘90, relocating to London to fulfill her dream of being in the music industry, where she worked with ex-Sex Pistol producer Dave Goodman (whom recently left the punk world for the New Age movement). She decided to move to San Francisco after a holiday here in ‘98, disillusioned with the music industry. With nowhere to live, she stayed at the Globe Hostel (across from Brainwash), working at the reception desk. Each day, at least one person would enquire, "Where can I rent a bike?"

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