by
Gene Mahoney
And
now...
The
Results of the 2002
The
participation in this second Herald Readers' survey wasn't as pathetic as
the first one over a year ago, but it was still pretty bad.
Oh
well, thanks to those of you who did send this thing in. Many questions weren't
answered in a way to arrive at a clear majority, so I'm just going to skip
them.
Hey,
sorry to fly off the handle like that before. I know you people are busy. Heck,
I've got the best readers in the world!
And I'd like to give a shout out to Merlin. Who's Merlin
you may ask? Well, I'll tell you.
On Wednesday, January 16th, I was delivering copies
of the Herald (hot off the press!) around Geary Street downtown. I was waiting
patiently to cross Taylor. The light turned green and just as myself and a few
other pedestrians were beginning to walk across the street. This valet parker
kid hung a sharp right in a screech of tires and nearly mowed us down. If I
hadn't been dragging my dolly around full of heavy bundles of newspaper, I
might have bought my ticket.
The van raced into the 24 hour parking garage on
Taylor between Geary and Post. I followed it inside less than a minute later. I
looked around but the only person I saw was this older Asian guy, who must have
been the manager. Then I saw him. The little punk that nearly killed me. He was
a lot shorter than he looked in the gas-guzzling yuppie-mobile he was peeling
out in. He had his black hair parted in the middle, kind of Hugh Grant style.
He was probably Hispanic or Indian. I couldn't tell. I asked him if he was the
creep that almost ran me and some other people over at the corner, even though
I knew it was him.
"No," he lied.
"Who else is parking cars here tonight?"
"Nobody. Just me,"
"Then you're lying!"
I wasn't sure if the old guy spoke English, and I was
running late for a dinner date at the newly-remodeled Tandoori Indian Restaurant
(Geary @ Larkin) with Kimberlye Gold, so I took off.
What does this have to do with Merlin, you ask? Well,
I'll tell you. After that encounter with that little, lying no-good punk at the
garage, I dropped off some copies of the Herald at Nitecap (O'Farrell at Hyde),
that famous dive bar in Tenderloin Heights. Some guy was shooting pool and when
he saw me he said, "Hey! The Herald! Let me have one!" Then the guy told me he
has been reading it since it came out and that he's a huge fan. He then gave me
a five dollar bill. I said thanks but no thanks, but he insisted I take it.
What a guy!
Well, I asked the guy what his name was and he
replied, "Merlin."
So Merlin got me thinking. Hey, what if everyone who
has been reading the Herald for years (or just a year, or just an issue or
two) sent me 5 bucks once every couple of years to show their thanks? Hell,
just send a buck if that's all you can do! You just got through listening
to that annoying KQED Pledge Drive a few weeks ago, now you get it here, too.
Yes, I'm actually serious about this. Pathetic but
true. Send it to: Gene Mahoney, SF Herald, 815 Geary #115, SF, CA 94109. But
like I said, if you're hurting, don't worry about it. This paper is a, ahem,
labor of love.
The reason you have to be 18 and over to send in money
is because I don't want to have a repeat of what happened to Soupy Sales.
I don't know if Soupy was popular out west, too, years ago, but my mother
told me when she was young Soupy Sales went on his TV show for kids and told
viewers something to the effect of "Hey, you know those green pieces
of paper in your mommy and daddys' wallets? Well, mail them to me!"
Okay, so if you're over 18, you know what to do!
Oh, and watch yourself crossing the street on Geary
and Taylor.
And now, the Readers' Poll 2002:
Best San Franciscan
No majority. But here are some of the votes: Dave Eggers (author of A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius),
Larry Harvey (the Burning Man guy, right?), Rob Cavestany of the local band
SWARM, Emporer Norton (?), and Gene Mahoney (no, I didn't vote for myself).
Worst San Franciscan
You have to ask? Da Mayor, Willie Brown, was the
hands-down winner with a whopping 60% of the votes!
Best SF Politician
Surprisingly, Tom Ammiano squeaked in as the winner.
Jim Reid, who is sponsoring the Recall Willie Brown
drive, and Starchild, a libertarian candidate for supervisor/ sensual massage
artist made the list as well.
Worst SF Politician
Mayor Willie Brown wins again! With 60% of the votes again, too! Tom Ammiano
got 20%.
Best Radio Station
KFOG wins big with 60% of the votes. LIVE 105 and
KUSF share second place, each getting around 20% of the vote.
Best Neighborhood
The Haight
Worst Neighborhood
The Marina. As beautiful as it is, being on the water
and all, I guess you guys really have it in for yuppies.Those obnoxious drunk
ones at the bars there are the worst. It's more pleasant to go drinking and
dancing in a "bad" neighborhood.
Best View in SF
Twin Peaks.
Best Part of the
Good Clean Fun comix.
Best Local TV Newscast
Channel 2 News.
Best Local Daily Newspaper
San Francisco Chronicle.
Best Local Weekly Newspaper
SF Weekly beat out the Bay Guardian. I know the Guardian
has been around longer and it's independent instead of a chain, but I suppose
Herald readers like the fact that the Weekly strays from the Politically Correct
line sometimes, which is near blasphemous in the "alternative press".
That and the fact they have a little more of a sensayuma.
Best Neighborhood Newspaper
San Francisco Herald
I
won this same award last May in the SF Weekly Best Of 2001 issue, but I don't
deserve it. Last year I was the paper "Proudly Serving theTenderloin
and Beyond", but now I'm "The City's Monthly Newspaper".
Vic
Miller took over that paper in the early '80's and has made it into a very
entertaining read.
Best
Coffeehouse on the Eastside of Town
Farley's.
Best Coffeehouse
Morning Due. Where
the Mission meets the Castro, on 17th & Church. Where Lesbians sip lattes
with Latinos. Quaint, with an over-flowing free newspaper collection.
Best Coffeehouse on the Westside of Town
Sea Biscuit Cafe
Best
Movie Theater
I've
never been there, but the Metreon beat out favorites like the Castro and the
Red Vic.
Best
Local Band
No
majority here. But there were
substantial votes for Stymie and the Pimp Jones Luv Orchestra, Attaboy &
Burke, SWARM, and The Planning Commission.
Best
Solo Artist
Once
again,no majority. But there were
votes for Jethro Jeremiah, DJ Forest Green, and Ian Brennan.
Best Venue for
Hard to believe, but no majority either. Big vote getters were the Great American
Music Hall, The Fillmore, Slim's, and SF Pound.
Best
Dance Club
DNA
Lounge.
Best
Theme Night
1984
at the Cat Club.
Okay.
Enough of the Readers' Poll. On to other
news....
For
those of you who have hung around the Tender-Nob (oh, excuse me, I mean Lower Nob Hill) the last few years, I'm sad to report, if
you don't already know, that "Jack" has passed away. I found out when I walked
into one of my favorite cafes in town, Yaketty Yak on Sutter near Taylor, and
saw a shrine to the fallen one. It's a heartfelt shrine at that: a table
holding cards signed by the Yaketty Yak regulars, a bottle of Michelob, two
roses, a Tower of Power album, and a picture of the deceased by an artist named
Jaehoon Han. Jeez, the guy had to die without me saying goodbye to him. I used
to live on Taylor between Sutter and Post back in '95 and I ate breakfast at
Yaketty Yak every morning. Jack was like a fixture there.
"Jack
was on this block forever," says Caan Nguyen, who bought the cafe in '96. "He
died of his third heart attack. During the holiday season all the Academy of
Art students are gone so he was lonely. This girl who's a regular here let him
stay with her. He died at her place. I forget the exact day he died, but it was
a week after Christmas. Jack always had his heart attacks during the holiday
season."
There's
a painting hanging on one of the walls at Yaketty Yak of Jack flipping the
bird. "It won first prize someplace in New York," Caan says. "David Lee is the
artist who painted it. The place sent two tickets for them to go to the Big
Apple. One for David, one for Jack."
Caan
says Jack got religious near the end of his life. "He usually slept in a
doorway on Taylor at Sutter. Sometimes he would sleep on the steps of Grace Cathedral.
He said tourists from all over the world come here to see the church, but they
can't sleep there. Only he can. Jack had taste."
I
interviewed Caan in mid-January about Jack, and he said he was going to take
the shrine down soon. I told him to leave it up until mid-March, after this
issue comes out. Maybe he did if you want to check it out. So long, Jack....
Elsewhere
in the local cafe scene, I'd like to tell you about an interesting character
named Dominik, who is just like Jack, except he's young, employed, and alive.
He works at a pleasant coffeehouse called Bean There (201 Steiner in the lower
Haight.) Dominik told me of a plant from Argentina called Yerba Mate, which he
says the people in that troubled nation drink for energy, and is better for you
than tea and much better for you than coffee. He says you can find it at some
store in the Mission District that carries Argentinean stuff. He forgets where
it is exactly, so ask around. Doninik is also a DJ who spins tribal house, so
if you can get him any gigs, email him at
kinimodus@yahoo.com....
Steven
Capozzola (AKA "Mr. Fabulous") has a new book out with selected stories of his
bogus encounters with celebrities, many of them you probably have read here in
the Herald. It's called More Fabulous and it's only $5.95 from Ashton Media
Press, PO Box 1839, Pacifica, CA 94044. A great coffee table book. Order it
today.
On
the music front, I received a few CD's I'd like to tell you about.
The
first one was from a Chicago band called 90 Day men, who will be appearing at
the Bottom of the Hill on March 14th. I just finished listening to it, as I'm
typing away at this column, and was pleasantly surprised, considering I almost
turned it off after the first few seconds, as I heard some guy wailing a bad
version of Robert Plant (wait, is there a good one?). However, the song, and
the following songs, evolved into some eclectic indie-rock thang with shades of
Faith No More, My Bloody Valentine, and Morphine. Bands I don't like but don't
hate either. The publicity photo has the usual picture of young tortured
artists who need a haircut standing in the seedy side of town. Pretty
interesting stuff, so maybe you'll want to make their Potrero Hill gig. Log on
to southern.com for more info....
On
a much different note, Three Jewels Music in Creswell, Oregon sent me a CD I'm
playing as I type this. It's titled Songs to the Silent Moon
by a bloke named Tenzin. They even sent a kodak photo of him ( I assume it's
him); this 40-ish guy in a red T-shirt and black shorts sitting Indian-style in
tall grass, holding an urn, meditating. Which makes sense because the subtitle
of the CD is "Meditations for solo piano and solo guitar". So far the beautiful
repetitive melodies remind me of Phillip Glass and whoever plays on the
Potentials Unlimited subliminal tapes I used to listen to. Very soothing to the
ears. Get it if you're looking for music to relax to by logging on to
threejewelsmusic.com....
On
Sunday, February 10th I had a good time at an early Mardi Gras party. It took
place at a great restaurant called Cajun Pacific (4542 Irving at 47th Avenue,
not far from the ocean). Unfortunately,
no girls flashed their chests, but there were people who climbed the roof and
threw beads to the inebriated crowd below, as the Brass Monkey Brass Band blew
some hot jazz right there on the street. The band contains members who have
played in Beck, K.C. and the Sunshine Band, and Cannonball. Quit paying the
shrink money trying to get happy. It's cheaper to get their debut CD, Live
in Time and Space at Tower or on Amazon.com. Check them out live on
March 23rd at Broadway Studios (Broadway @ Kearny) along with six other bands.
Log on to their label, Weed Records in Berkeley (weedrecords.com)...
Speaking
of jazz, SF JAZZ announces SF JAZZ Spring Season 2002, from March through June.
Log on to sfjazz.org for more info....
Feeling patriotic? Then march on in to the North End Cafe at 1402 Grant Avenue in North Beach, order a sandwich, and Joe the owner will serve it with a toothpick flying the American flag.
If you wish to read more , click here!
Gene can be emailed here.