by Gene Mahoney
| April 2000 - Hello, everyone, I hope you had a fine and dandy summer. Some of you may be asking, "Hey, Gene -- how come you put out 4 monthly issues in a row and then skipped July? What/'s the story here, ya lazy bum?" Well, wouldn't ya know, publishing monthly turned out to be a really stupid idea.As you know, the Herald started out 2 years ago as a pathetic 16 page rag with a press run of 3,000 copies. In a year, however, it had grown into a pathetic 32 page rag with a press run of 30,000 copies (and I was unloading 30,000 copies!) So why, pray tell, would I cut my circulation in half just so I could come out monthly instead of every other month? Well, I listened to some well meaning people who told me that frequency is just as important as circulation. That's a true statement, but I found out THE HARD WAY that churning out 15,000 copies a month is more than twice the work of churning out 30,000 copies every other month. First of all, I draw and write most of the paper, and I do all the editing (which involves cracking the whip to get columns at the last second from people who told me I should come out monthly). On top of that, I'm not only the president of the San Francisco Herald, I'm also the delivery boy. Oh yeah, and then there's the most time consuming aspect of the job-- selling advertising (the BLOOD of a publication). This is all harder than it sounds. Oh yeah, and get this; a lot of the people who wanted me to publish more frequently so I could publish more of their stuff have never submitted me ANYTHING since urging me to become a monthly! "All the newspapers in this town suck, Gene. Put out the Herald on a more regular basis so we can show them how it's done." Well, I'm still waiting. Okay, enough bitching and moaning. The SFH is back to coming out every OTHER month for the time being, but look for the circulation to increase very soon. Hang on, I think I heard someone out there mutter, "Well why don't you pay someone to deliver the papers and someone to sell advertising? Then you'd have more time to write and draw and edit and come out every month?" Listen, you little punk, you don't know what it's like putting out a newspaper. Delivery would cost at least 2 dollars per drop-off location (figure 600 locations) and that's only if I can find someone I really trust. What if the guy just dumps them all off at the recycling plant? You think I'm joking? I'm not. And do you know how difficult it is to find someone to sell advertising? First of all, an ad salesperson gets a commission of roughly 15% an ad (if he or she is lucky). Someone selling ads for a paper that comes out not too often with a smaller circulation won't exactly be rolling in dough. Plus, no one wants to do it. Major publications have trouble finding a halfway competent seller. People don't want to peddle something non-tangible (like advertising) door to door, getting rejected all day long for shit money. They want to sit behind a computer all day and not talk to anyone and get overpaid working for some internet startup company. I ran an ad a couple of issues ago looking for an advertising sales rep and received ONE response (from someone who never sold anything before). That's just the way it goes, pal... I'M SCREWED! Oh well, I've ruined my life, but maybe I can be an example to some of you out there. Okay, enough about me and this rag, let's see what's happening in this once fair city of ours.... |
| Lovejoy's Tea Room of Noe Valley has moved to OUTER Noe Valley (1351 Church @ Clipper). It has also changed ownership, now run by former entertainment salesperson Gillian Briley and former free spirit Muna Nash. Muna says that when she walked into the old Lovejoy's (on Church @ 24th) it reminded her of the tea rooms she saw in Ireland, where people would open their small town homes to the tourists visiting from Dublin. Lovejoy's is available for parties, too (call 415-648-5895).... Elsewhere in OUTER Noe Valley is Art Garden (3885-A Cesar Chavez @ Church), now owned by Japanese immigrant Yukio Iwamura, who calls his merchandise "unique home decor and garden ornaments".... Back in just regular plain ol' Noe Valley, jeweler extraordinaire Rudy Paul will be closed from August 13th to about September 30th, but make sure you visit him after that.... Down the street from the mall Rudy is in is A Cut Above Castro, the 20 year old hair salon that Barbara Greaney has owned for a year now. Says Barbara: "We're trying to make it a comfortable neighborhood salon. It's an old victorian, like someone's home. We're not black and white tiles, tract lighting, walls of endless mirrors... We've done fund raising for breast cancer research, Glide Memorial Church auctions, and drunk driving awareness for SF State, and we've given gift certificates for numerous schools." Visit Barbara and company at 1304-A Castro, or call 641-1700 (oh yeah, she's from Jersey and used to see Bruce Springsteen before he made it big, too) .... |
| And just across 24th Street from A Cut Above Castro is a new addition to Nov Valley -- Castro Computer Services (1236 Castro) owned by Mr. Raj Walia, who just moved here from Houston (but don't worry, he's a native -- born in Santa Clara). Raj received a graduate degree in engineering from the University of Houston but returned to his lifelong passion for computers by opening this store. "We do a lot of house calls, Macs and PC's, we have high speed DSL (super fast) internet access." Offers his mom: "He's very honest and knows what he's doing." And mom wouldn't lie, so get your tails on over there.... Okay, I love Noe Valley, but let's move on to another neighborhood, okay? Let's see what's going on in my old hood, the Tender-Nob: No mo' Zelig. Kate Dumbleton is the new owner at Caffe Royale (800 Post). Kate also does bookings for jazz musicians at Noir Records.... |
| Check out SF Black & White Gallery up the street from Royale at 868 Post. It's a great place to buy photography of San Francisco by local artists, or so I've been told (by Jim and Frederic, who own the gallery). Heh heh, but seriously folks, it IS a great place and their reception for the local shutterbugs they showcased in July was a delightful throwback to the days when a gallery reception was about people talking about how much they appreciate art, not just about how much it's worth. Actually, did those days ever exist? Ironically, SF Black & White was founded by accident. The space was perfect for their small design firm's needs, but they weren't able to rent it without some kind of retail situation, which the building's owner had stipulated. Fred had been taking photos as a hobby, so 25 framed photos went up on the walls and the lease was signed. Since then, many different local artists have been hanging their work there. Presently, Jim and Fred are developing a photographic workshop that would be offered to various community outreach programs that assist at risk youth from around town. The first half of the course would give participants an overall view of photo content and technique, then have them leave with a camera and some photographic knowledge. The second half includes digitization of negatives, along with digital manipulation and output, culminatiing in works like some those seen on the walls of the gallery. A student would give one of the pieces they create back to the gallery to be auctioned off on their web site (sfblackandwhite.com). The money raised from auctioned works would go back to the program the student came from. Please contact Jim Barbera at 447-7901 for more info. Thanks, guys, for this issue's swell cover and for letting me plagarize what I just wrote about you from the brochure you gave me. It's so much easier than writing a story on my own.... |
| Hey, down 2 blocks in Tendeloin Heights is the rebirth of Chaz Green's Alena's Cafe on Hyde at O'Farrell. Friendly help behind the counter, too.... Bahar Meets Angela Art Gallery has moved from Geary off Leavenworth to Market @ Mason, or maybe it's Mason @ Market. I forget. Right next door to where those lovely and talented ladies were is Ricky's Antiques. Help Vietnam Vet Rick help pay his son Ricky's medical bills by shopping there for collectibles and assorted nick-nacks....This August look for a new club on Folsom at 8th in the back room of Ideal Deli called Border Cantina, started by Ignacio Luna and his son John. Says John (in this exclusive interview): "It will be small, intimate, colorful -- kind of like Cafe Mars with a Latin influence. We plan on having Latin Jazz musicians play at least twice a month.".... Adrian Leong from Northampton, England, has owned Fishbowl (3253 - 16th @ Guerrero) for a year now. Voted Best New Boutique by the SF Weekly's Readers' Poll , Adrian runs it with his wife Colleen, who hails from Manhattan Beach. Quips the Brit: "It's a hip, trendy neighborhood store selling contemporary men's & women's fashions." Before Fishbowl he was designing women's & kid's clothing for different companies.... |
| Restaurants come and go so often (especially in the NEW San Francisco) you often need a scorecard to keep track of who's been scratched and who's still running. Johnny Wok's is still in the race at 1237 Polk @ Bush. Johnny Chang, the owner (there is no Johnny Wok, by the way, there's no Easter Bunny either) has been in business for 10 years now, and a lot of recipes are his own. He recommends you try the Garlic Sauce Deboned Chicken for only $6.95.... Famous Japanese restaurant Ebisu (1283 - 9th Avenue) has been voted Best Sushi by Zygote, the national restaurant magazine.... Brooke and the gang over at Plant It Earth (2215 Market) have opened a new plant place in San Rafael. Call (415) 626-5082 for more info... Don't forget The Fashion Expo at The Concourse (8th & Brannen) this September (you heard it here first).... What's happening in the Haight: Movida Lounge (200 Fillmore at Waller) now has DJ's 4 times a week (Salsa, Latin, Jazz, Hip-Hop). Happy Hour til 7pm ($3 for 20 oz. Draughts). Snowboarding owner Kent Uyehara likes the way his place is coming along: "It's definatley not a drunk hangout.".... More DJ's can be heard at An Sibin (1176 Sutter @ Polk). Monday has Full Circle Productions Psychedelic Trance, Tuesday - Colony; Pete Carreon, Chris B. House All Styles, Wed. - DJ Joker Downtempo, Thurs. - Danosan (Clear Music) House, Fri. - Pulse; DJ Skyscraper W/ Guests House and Trance, Sat. - Shift Electronic Dance Music, Sun. - Dave Lee Drum and Bass. Live Jazz from 5 to 8pm. Call 929-1992 for info (available for private parties).. There's a new underground dance music shop called Trak Hunter Co. At 3901 - 18th Street @ Sanchez. Call 934-0009 for info.... |
| Outsider Records just sent me a press release about a band out of Cleveland that's supposed to be the goods. "If you like U.S. Bombs, DK Murphys, The Clash, Utters etc. than this record is for you." Kisses From Hanoi by The GC5. Download a song of theirs at worldwidepunk.com/mp3/.... Verd's Funk (1312 Haight), owned by Stephanie Cardwell and Marc has been open for a year and a half now. Says Marc: "We're a boutique and an art gallery, in that order. We'd rather be classified as a clothing store than an art store. It's hard to explain. We're steering toward the artistic, I have a term -- Sarvant-Garde, which is avante garde in spite of itself. Sarcastic avante garde.".... According to an email I received, Federal Bill 602P proposes a 5-cent charge for every email sent. Are you ready? Apparently the US Postal Service feels they're losing money because, as that stupid Cisco comercial says, "Email outnumbers postal mail 10 to 1". That commercial cracks me up. They show all these Third World children who haven't got a morsel of food saying this "Are you ready?" mantra, zombie-like into the camera, as if they're going to run out and buy the latest DSL equipment. Are you ready? Give me a fucking break. Anyway, back to some people who are seldom ready; the post office. Apparently they have an ad campaign which states: "There is nothing like a letter." According to this, Washington DC lawyer Richard Stepp is working without pay to prevent this legislation from becoming law. Getting charged for email. Are you ready? Are you ready? Well, ARE you?... |
| There are some coupon ads in the paper version of this issue (as usual). Make sure you use them, okay? Hell, even if you don't want them, use them anyway, okay? As it turns out, though, you'd be crazy, I mean completely out of your freaking mind, not to want to use what we've got to offer in this issue: Someone rubbing you the wrong way? That won't happen with a relaxing massage from Sunset Sauna and/or Grand Central Sauna & Hot Tub Co. Want to eat at one of San Francisco's best kept secrets? Use the coupon and go to Cafe do Brasil. Want a great deal on internet access? Try Inreach Internet. Need your car fixed by two honest, hardworking guys? Can't help you there. ONLY KIDDING! Use the coupon for Metropolitan Motors and give Jack and Sam a call. I've known those guys for years. At the time of this writing I don't know if Zante's Indian Pizza is going to renew their ad, but if they do and it's in this issue (and he still has an offer) use their coupon. If not, dig up last issue and use his $1 off coupon. Let's see. Anyone else I'm leaving out? I hope not, because if I'm forgetting someone, boy are they going to be pissed.... |
| Don't forget to visit www.sfherald.com in cyberspace. Besides being able to read articles you can't find in the narrow confines of SAN FRANCISCO HERALD -- THE PRINT VERSION, you can download news and information from all over the world (in 5 languages) thanks to NewsSurfer. I get paid by the minute everytime someone visits sfherald.com. Very, very little, but it could add up. So even if you don't care about what's on my site, why not download it and just let it sit there? Before you go to work in the morning, heck, why not take a minute and download sfherald.com and then just walk out the door. Don't turn off the computer. Just let it sit there all day, turned on to sfherald.com. The soothing hum of the computer will be good for your plants. And when you're at the office and busy doing paperwork, why not download sfherald.com and just let it sit there for say, 8 to 10 hours a day. Ask your boss if you can leave your computer on all night long (tuned in to sfherald.com). I'll bet the old bastard won't mind. Why not tell all your friends (and enemies) to do the same thing. Go ahead. You'll feel better (and so will I). Make me some money. Are you ready? Oh, and you can always download my site by going to the latest Cup-A-Joe (on Geary at, uh, I think Jones). |
| As you may recall a few issues ago, Joe, the owner, and I made it through traffic school together. After that harrowing experience, we both swore we'd drive like little old ladies for the rest of our lives, and dammit, I know I've been living up to my end of the bargain. Which is more than I can say about these cell phone-yakkin' SUV-drivin' dot commies I see putting around town. Hey, guys, if you're reading this: Running a red light doesn't make you a big man, like a Grand Prix driver, okay? All it means is that you get to wait at the next red light one block up. Big deal. It doesn't impress the chicks either. They think you're trying to compensate for some feeling of inadequacy. You know what I'm saying here? Just keep this in mind: It take a big man to stop for a red light. •Nuff said. |
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