By the World’s Most Corrupt Restaurant Critic: Gene Mahoney (With Kimberlye Gold)


Old Krakow
385 West Portal, San Francisco
(415) 564-4848

Little Nepal
925 Cortland, San Francisco
(415) 970-0772

This column has never been known for its integrity, and this month’s installment is certainly no exception. What makes this particular writing so contemptuous is that the two restaurants featured here already advertise with me! So whatever slight chance there may have been at even mildly constructive criticism got tossed along with the parsley.

Heh heh. Only kidding. These two places were very enjoyable dining experiences. Really.

Let’s begin with Old Krakow -- “The Only Polish Restaurant in the Bay Area!” Kris Wazner took over the establishment a few years back from some other guy whose name I forgot, who started the restaurant ten years ago. He was a nice guy who I used to hit up for advertising when I worked for the SF Weekly and later, a junk mail company. Feliks the chef has been there the whole time the place has been open. Kris, like the previous owner, is from Poland and used to publish a now-defunct magazine for Poles living in the Bay Area.

But Kris wasn’t there when Kimberlye and I made our entrance, and I started to get nervous, fearing that I may actually have to pay for the meals. A charming waiter named Peter, who also hails from Poland, greeted us. He sat us down and told us about himself, his native country, and numerous other tidbits of information, like:

“Chopin was Polish.”

“Sebastian Janikowski, the kicker on the Oakland Raiders, comes in here a lot.”

“I served a guy a little while ago. He ordered wine and instead of just smelling the cork, he ate it. It’s a good thing it was German wine, which has a shorter cork than French or American wine.”

“There’s a guy in San Francisco who will go to a restaurant, cut the tie off a waiter, hand him a $100 bill, and then go home and tack the tie to the wall. Each tie on the wall has the name of the waiter and restaurant next to it. This guy is allergic to bubbles. They have to cover the champagne glasses around him.”

(???????!!!!!!!)

Peter also told us that he is documentary film maker, and also writes stories (but doesn’t want them published as he “just wants to make people smile.”

“Well”, I told him, “Why don’t you make me and my date smile by getting us some drinks?”

Peter quickly hopped into action, serving Kimberlye a new kind of wine, Forest Glen White Merlot, which she described as “like a light rose’.” I was given a bottle of Zywiec Beer -- “The best beer in Poland.” Then we were given a delicious appetizer, the Cucumber Salad. Very good. “It’s definitely Dill,” Kimberlye analyzed. “With buttermilk.” We also had Pierogi (“like a Polish Ravioli” which runs $9.95) and Bavarian-style cabbage (only $3.50, it was delicious.) On a related note, Peter said Old Krakow got voted as having the “Best Sauerkraut” in the Bay Guardian.

I can’t read my own notes, and besides, my critique of epicure is extremely limited (practically nonexistent), so I’m going to spend the rest of the “review” listing some highlights from the menu.

A Polish Chef’s Salad runs $12.95. Soups (like Red Borscht, Garlic, Cream of Mushroom, Sourdough, and Beef Tripe) range in price from $3.75 to $4.50 for a cup and between $6.25 and $7.95 for a bowl. As for the dinner entrees (or “entries” as the menu calls them): If you want poultry; Crakovian Cutlet, Baked Chicken, and Duck “Rolada” are in the $14.95 area. Salmon Steak and Halibut are the offerings for fish ($13.95 and $15.95, respectively). Meat is the most prevalent item on the menu, so if you want Homemade Polish Sausage, Lamb Shish Kebab, Marinated Grilled Pork Chops, Grilled Pork Cutlets, Breaded Pork Cutlets, Bogracz, Polish Goulash, Stuffed Beef Rolls, or Polish Hunter’s Stew, then this is the place for you. The meat entrees range in price from $11.95 to $15.95. All the dinner entrees come with items on the side, mostly vegetables and potatoes in some form.

We’re not dessert people, but we did eat the Makowiec (Poppy Seed Roll), which was kind of like French bread with poppy seeds. Tasty. It was either that or the “Czekoladowy desperat (Chocolate Suicide Cake)”. There’s no description of that on the menu, except “The name says it all”.

Old Krakow is open Mon. - Thurs., 5 p.m.-10 p.m. & Fri., Sat., & Sun., 12 p.m.-10 p.m.

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Ramesh Lama, owner of Pizza Express (919 Cortland in Bernal Heights) has opened a new, much more formal restaurant next door called Little Nepal. Ramesh told me that we should show up absolutely no later than 5 p.m., as the 35 seats there fill up very quickly. I thought he was full of it, but it turned out to be true.

“Geemahoney, we’ve only been open since April 28th, but it’s already doing great,” he gloats. “To me, San Francisco is the capital of the culinary world, Geemahoney. The only reason I opened this place is because I felt Nepal was the only country without a restaurant in this city.”

The chef, a friendly chap named Prem Tamang, strolled out to meet us. Prem is a friend of Ramesh’s from their native land, and learned to cook when he was a mountain guide, helping climbers scale Mount Everest. He cooked at a base camp at 23,000 feet (which is just 6,000 feet shy of the peak). He came to America five years ago and got into the restaurant business here by working at McDonald’s and then Citronelle in Santa Barbara.

So what is Nepalese food like? Prem describes it as “similar to Northern Indian cuisine, except not as creamy and with less spices.”

Kimberlye described it as “blander and spicier than Indian food” and she used yogurt to deaden the spiciness (but she liked it.)

We had the Kukhurako Ledo, which is boneless chicken curry from clay (Tandoori) cooked with light cream, cashew-nut fresh tomato sauce, garlic, ginger, and Himalayan spices, served Ala carte ($9.95) which comes with Nan bread and rice. But you can get it as a full combination ($11.95) which comes with rice, Nan bread, lentil, mixed seasonal sautéed vegetable and chutney. It’s the same way for all the entrees which range in price from $7.95 to $13.95 for Ala Carte and $11.95 to $15.95 for the full combination.

The other entrees we had were the Poleko Kukhura (Tandoori boneless chicken marinated in yogurt, ginger, garlic and spices, served on a sizzling platter) and the Poleko Machha (Tandoori fish marinated in olive oil, garlic and spices, also served on a sizzling platter). Great! Just great!

Tej Rai, the waiter, came out and told us the hats worn on the heads of the Nepalese are called Topis, their shirts are called Dauras, and their pants are called Suruwals. That was our crash course in Nepalese fashion. Tej Rai wore his traditional Nepalese uniform with a gray American businessman’s vest over it. Tika, our waitress, wore a traditional Nepalese dress (she didn’t say what they call it) with a “Carmel, California” sports Polo sweatshirt over it in matching shades of blue. Pictures of the King and Queen of Nepal hang on a wall (not the ones who got shot a few years ago). Traditional Nepalese sitar music plays over the speakers, which was delightful (don’t you hate trying to enjoy an Indian lunch buffet while subjected to Bombay hip-hop blaring over the speakers in some places?)

On the way out we were introduced to Ramesh’s friendly, vivacious wife, Benh Lama, who told us, “This restaurant is a dream come true! We’ve been married for 20 years and we’ve wanted to open a Nepalese restaurant for 20 years, to preserve our culture!”

It was worth the wait.

Little Nepal opens daily at 5 p.m

If you wish to read more by Gene Mahoney, click here!