(and her little dog Tu)

By Hellen Wheels

Hellen Wheels is careening about this week, distraught and undecided over whether or not to pursue her career as a columnist or go into advertising sales. Poor little Tu is wandering about unwashed and hungry and even Wendy Darling Needlespeople is at a loss as to what to say. As a result, this column was taken, verbatim, from an angst-filled drunken conversation with some guy at C. Bobby's Owl Tree. Hellen calls it "Cry, Baby X, Cry. I don't care cuz I'm crying too."

I’ve been reflecting on my father’s life. He’s recently taken ill and as a result I find myself considering his accomplishments, failures and "place in the universe" (or whatever new-age catch phrase of the week is currently appropriate).

I’ve tried to look at this from several different perspectives. I’ve sought to play the devil’s advocate, I’ve given him the benefit of the doubt, I’ve even talked to my mother who has impugned and emasculated him as only an angry first wife could.

What I’ve discovered is a sense of anguish and rage that I’ve suppressed for many years. I’ve also developed a grudging respect and love for a man who never chose to close beyond the periphery of my life.

My relationship with my father is the most difficult. Much to my chagrin I find that I become him at the most inappropriate moments. I am more like him than either my brother or sister and as a result I suffer from many the same poignant feelings of inadequacy and insecurity while at the same time maintaining a far healthier ego than is typically warranted. That is my task to overcome and I’m sure it will be a lifelong pursuit.

I’ve come to some conclusions as a result of this deliberation. In all likelihood, this is going to sound like a typical rant of generational angst, but the fact is that my father is a "Babyboomer" and in the grand scheme of things there are certain consistencies that I’ve discovered among my peers and within research compiled over the past few weeks.

My father’s inability to maintain a close and binding relationship with his children is typical of fathers, friends and acquaintances in my age group. This is a learned behavior, a legacy passed down from our fathers. There seems to be a disproportionate percentage of divorces and single parent families in my peer structure. Statistics bear this out. Between 15 and 22 percent of marriages in the 1960’s and 1970’s ended in divorce depending on the source.

Many members of my peer group feel disaffected by a consumer-based culture that they feel forced to inherit. I can talk about an entire generation of young men, raised by women while getting mixed messages from their male role models. This has been played out to the nth degree, most lately with the media hype over Fight Club.

There is an entire generation of men and women suffering from an inherent narcissism.

Babyboomers have the distinction of being the first generation of children living with the constant threat of extinction. With the Cold War came NATO, MAD, SAC, CIA, the KGB and more menacing acronyms than had ever previously existed. There was an entire generation of children raised with the knowledge that everything could come to an end in less than an hour. This has to have some sort of effect on a population.

Perhaps that effect is what is seen with Babyboomers’ deep-seated self-importance, the overall attitude that can best be phrased as "I got mine."

This is consistent with the serious double standards members of this generation have demonstrated over the past 35 years.

In the mid-sixties the post World War Two generation seeking to make the world a better place took accountability and protested everything from book banning to civil rights to the war in Vietnam. It was a short period of experimentation and good intentions that came apart at the seams, as apathy and accrual of personal wealth became the Babyboom’s primary themes.

Now, realize that in 1960’s California the cost for a college education in the UC or CSU system was minimal. Both organizations were still enjoying a glut of GI Bill funds from their post-World War Two expansion. As a result tuition was nearly free (for the UC system at least).

You have a generation of Californians benefiting from the economic gain of a higher education that was rather inexpensive. In 1978 the Babyboom generation in California, being in their late 20’s and early 30’s and having children, made the all-important connection that all taxes were bad and passed the Jarvis-Gann tax intuitive, Proposition 13. What this effectively did was freeze local property taxes thereby eliminating a vital tax base for local and city governments. As a result revenues for schools became miniscule a few years later. This compounded with the election of Ronald Reagan in 1980 and requisite deregulation and slash and burn methodology concerning the national education budget saw a serious decline in the quality of California’s schools. California had the best schools in the country in the early 1970’s. The cuts in revenue and mismanagement of remaining funds caused problems such as more students per teacher and the elimination of funding for extracurricular activities.

The overall price for higher education has skyrocketed over the past 25 or 30 years. Tuition and housing costs at UC Berkeley are currently nearly $16,000 for an in-state student. The CSU average is nearly $12,000. There are grants and student loans for most, but the cost for a decent education for those without means is still exceedingly prohibitive. It is difficult to figure how someone coming from a lower middle class family putting themselves through school while accruing an overwhelming debt in the process can actually get out from under it in an expedient fashion. It’s not the best way to start out.

This wasn’t necessarily the case for Babyboomers. The debt load was far less, the cost of living far more manageable (especially in San Francisco compared to now) and the earning potential after graduation was greater. I’m not saying it was easy, just easier than today to get ahead. Hell, the economy was on a serious upward curve until 1973. The economy still has not been able to recover the median purchasing power of that era even with the Internet boom and bust of the 90’s. I’m not going to blame the Babyboom for that though.

Having survived into adulthood with the impending threat of extinction, Babyboomers developed a self-centered nature that is their legacy to their prodigy. The reason for this narcissism is the fear of having to deal with the harsh reality the previous generation experienced with surviving the great depression. There is a desire to buy their way to success thereby maintaining the means to keep their security, all the while thumbing their noses at their parents’ frugality. Economic wealth is the meter by which the Babyboom has defined itself and this is justified by the total collapse in any sort of real moral fiber. The good intentions and fervent protesting of the 60’s is now the Range Rover’s and stock options of the 00’s. They got theirs.

Now, looking at my father, he lives in a fancy suburb. Bought a big house for his second family. Nice cars for both himself and his second wife. Has a large gun collection. Retired early. My father is a decent man, a highly intelligent man, a man who’s survived his share of shit. He has also estranged himself from his family by maintaining a distance from the people he says he holds most dear.

I’m going to see him in a couple months, we’ll talk, play cribbage and skirt around the real issues. But this time will be different. I plan to tell him that I love him and that I forgive him for not being there. I survived my shit and am doing pretty well now. Hopefully we can find a sense of commonality and forge an understanding closeness that hasn’t been there in the past. Lord knows I want to, even if he is a Babyboomer.