The Girl who Goes Places and Does Things (and her little dog, Tu)

By Hellen_Wheels

My grandmother once composed a list of the "Top Ten Things to be Afraid of" and it included such things as acid rain and the collapse of man-made mines. I've recently added something. Fear of strange little men jogging in the park while sprinkling white powder every 10 strides or so. I call this outing the White Powder Caper. While strutting Tu in Golden Gate Park, I came upon a tiny little jogging man. He looked to be about 5'3" tall, jogging towards us wearing short-short-shorts (brrrr), a wife-beater, and gloves??! Odd combo.

Slung around his waist was a messenger-type bag. Dipping his hand inside, he threw down a white clump of powder. After 10 more strides or so, he did it again. Caught up in the wonderment of it all, I said nothing as he breezed by. Seconds afterwards, as Tu began her "Sniffing of Oddities" on-the-path ritual, I became concerned as to what ingredients the powder contained. I turned to track the man's progress, and he was too far away to hear me if I called out. I decided to follow, but soon lost him. As fate would have it, there appeared a police cruiser right on the corner. Huffing and puffing I hoofed it as quickly as I could to try and engage the interest/intervention of police into this mystery. As I approached the police car with Tu in tow, I began to unravel the tale, encouraging the police to find the man and inquire as to his white powder caperings.

The disinterest was palpable, but they said they'd "check it out". Upon being rousted by Tu for a morning poo, I observed the white powder clumps not only along the panhandle trail of Golden Gate Park, but also on several surrounding blocks and even in a children's playground area. What was this stuff? Rat poison? I was truly concerned. What sort of stuff could this be? Something for a mystery game like one of those scavenger hunts? Poison from someone who hates doggies and kids? Once more, almost magically, a police car was right at the corner. I approached the officer, who had been working with a towing officer to ticket/tow illegally parked cars. I figured he'd like a good mystery to supplement the excitement of parking ticket drivel. Right. Though largely unconcerned and looking at me like I was high, he agreed to come look at some of the powder.

As I scooped some into one of Tu's poo sacks as a sample and offered it to him, he laughed and turned it down. I asked whether he'd be more concerned if a small dog or child took ill or died from the fucking stuff, and he snapped to attention. He said that someone from the drug enforcement agency would "probably" check it out, but that the jogger was probably doing it (and I quote) "to upset people like yourself and make them wonder what it was." He also "doubted that it was cocaine" and guessed it was most surely flour, though he declined to taste it when I said if it was that non-threatening perhaps he could test the theory. The next day I called the police department and could find no information as to whether or not it was ever checked out. I left my name and phone number and have heard nary a word. Since then the rain has washed it away but I do still have the sample.

If anyone has any information or guesses as to what this powder could be, or if you'd like to purchase the sample, please e-mail me at Hellen_Wheels@hotmail.com.

Oh, and just when the job market in San Francisco was getting to be a bore, I find this! Anyone interested? (lifted from www.sfgate.com, December 11, 2000)

SALES position at aggressive co., sell & support new construction trailers & dump bodies. Bay area & central coast territory. Call for Bob Souza at 800-310-7802. Tell Bob I sent you.

On further adventures, Bodega Bay is beautiful. Tu pranced on the beach like a puppy while I collected sea glass and shells. We stayed with a friend who is staying on an abalone ranch, so I can't offer you any good accommodation ideas, but I will tell you that at night "The Deep Ones" slither about. If you're smart, you'll latch the windows and skip the saltwater taffy. I flip it 69 birds and that's as high as we go.

Well, Ta Ta for now. Round and Round and Round she goes, where she stops nobody knows! Good luck to you all.

To read more by Hellen Wheels, click here