Danny Glover and I were drinking wine at IL BORGO, in San Francisco’s Hayes Valley. We were sitting at a window table, downing glass after glass of merlot. Somewhere between my second and third glass, I spotted Joe Powell, from the band Stymie and the Pimp Jones Luv Orchestra, having dinner at a nearby table. I waved to him but couldn’t catch his attention.

Danny was emptying the bottle of wine into his glass. He called to Sergio, the restaurant’s owner, for another bottle. As Sergio was fetching a second merlot, Danny pointed a finger at me. "I’m paying for the wine."

"Why?"

"’Cause I want the good stuff. You always get cheap wine and then I wake up with a headache the next day."

"Then don’t look in the mirror."

Danny doubled over with laughter. "DAMN–‘Don’t look in the mirror’–AH-HAH-HAH…"

When he finished laughing, I said, "Okay. You get the wine and I’ll buy dinner."

"All right."

Sergio brought us another bottle. He uncorked it and poured a glass for each of us. Just at that moment, Jennifer Aniston and her entourage walked into the restaurant. I looked up and saw light glinting off her long, golden hair. A hush fell over the restaurant; everyone stared at her.

Sergio hurried over to greet Jennifer. "Ahh, welcome to IL BORGO. Please…right this way…" He took Jennifer’s coat and began to lead Jennifer and her group past our table.

As Jennifer drifted past our table, I took a quick sip of wine and stood up. "Hey, Jen…Jen?…"

Jennifer paused. "Yes?"

"Listen: what did the fly say when he got hit with the fly swatter?"

"Umm…I don’t know."

I grinned at her. "Nothing. Flies can’t talk."

Instantly, Danny Glover cracked up. "AH-HAH-HAH…" He grabbed his stomach. "Oh, Jesus, that’s a good one… ‘Flies can’t talk’– AH-HAH-HAH…"

Jennifer squinted at us for a moment. I smiled at her. "No, seriously baby, I love your work. ‘Friends’ is the best show on TV. I mean, I know everyone thinks ‘Seinfeld’ is a lot better and all. But not me. I love your work."

Jennifer nodded. "Uhh, thanks." She glanced at Danny, who was clutching his chest, moaning, "Oh, Christ…‘Flies can’t talk’–that’s a good one…"

Jennifer started to turn away. But as she did, her long hair whipped across my face. Some of it brushed sharply against my eye. For a moment, I felt blinded. My wine glass slipped out of my hand and spilled across Jennifer’s blouse. She screamed, "AHHHH."

I tried to catch the wine glass. But it bounced off of Jennifer’s chest and shattered on the floor. Jennifer wheeled around. "YOU JERK–you spilled wine on me."

I put up my hands in protest. "Baby, I’m sorry. It was an accident."

Sergio ran up to us. "What is going on here?"

I tried to explain. "Sergio–I’m really sorry. It was an accident. I spilled some wine on Jennifer Aniston’s dress."

Sergio turned to Jennifer. "Jennifer Aniston?"

"Yes."

"You are the Jennifer on the show ‘Friends.’"

Jennifer nodded. "Yes."

Sergio frowned. "My God. That is an awful show. It is the worst show on TV."

I turned to Sergio. "Well, hold on a minute. Jennifer’s a great actress. She’s been in all kinds of things. I mean, before ‘Friends,’ she was on the TV version of ‘Ferris Bueller’ and all."

Sergio looked at me blankly. "There was a TV series of ‘Ferris Bueller?’"

"Yeah. Like, four or five years after the movie."

Sergio wobbled. His face turned white. "My God…that’s…horrible."

I nodded. "I know."

Sergio turned to Jennifer. "I want you out of my restaurant at once."

"But…"

"Leave now."

"But he spilled wine on me–"

"GO."

Jennifer looked down at the floor. "All right." She and her entourage began to walk to the door.

I put an arm on Sergio’s shoulder. "Sorry about the mess."

"No problem. I will bring you another bottle of wine."

"Thanks, man."

I sat back down to the table. Danny Glover was still laughing.

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