THE HAUNTED OIL WELL

By Howard Hallis

Most of the time when I wake up after a good night’s sleep, I can’t remember anything I had dreamed. It’s like lifting the plastic film on the Magic Slate and wiping away any memory of my subconscious instantly. Maybe if I’m lucky I can retain a flash or image of my nocturnal wanderings, but more often than not it all just goes away.

But sometimes when you wake up from a dream you can remember every little detail. This is pretty rare and for me usually comes after a nightmare, since the shock of the bad dream forces me to lie awake in bed for a while pondering what I had just witnessed in my head before I can go back to sleep again.

Well, last week I had a nightmare and after waking up all freaked out, I managed to grab a notebook and scribbled down all the memories I had of what happened before they all went away. By sharing this with the readers of the SF Herald, I hope that some of you feel inspired to drop me an email if you think you have any idea what the hell it might mean. I’m not a big believer in Dream Interpretation Encyclopedias that tell you every time you see a bear it means you want to have sex with your mom, but I am curious about what some of you think, so send responses to WRNGDIMBOY@aol.com.

Anyway, here’s what happened:

The dream started off with me watching a new Muppet movie aimed at adults. The story centered on the Muppet Janice, who’s the blond hippie from the Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Band, and what happens to her when she has an affair with an elderly man. The movie was about tolerance between inter-specie romances (human to Muppet) and also starred Michael Jackson and the guys from Tenacious D.

When the movie ended, lights came on and I realized I was at the premiere. All the Muppets were there and began leaving the screening room in droves. Most of them were impressed by the movie and were commenting on how powerful it was. I noticed Michael Jackson was working the movie projector and he was dressed in a white space suit. Someone came up to him (a human, not a Muppet) and said "Hey Captain Eo, can you sign my HIV card?"

I had no idea what that meant.

Well eventually everyone left and I was alone in the screening room, and I began to examine my surroundings. The room was large, with an upper level that had windows open to the elements. The first floor where I stood was covered in cobwebs with giant iron gates and fences everywhere. There didn’t appear to be any way out. There was a giant orange metal tower that I recognized as a primitive oil drill that was built above a puddle of oil. The room slanted near the puddle, and I had a fear that if I stepped too close to it that I would fall in.

A sign on the wall said that this was "The Oldest Oil Well on the East Coast" and dated its construction back to the 1700’s. Just from the looks of things I could tell this room was haunted, and the cobwebs, gates and fences were beginning to give me the chills. Just then, an old man came into the room leading a tour of teenage goth girls who were visiting the oil well with their school. He said:

"God may be a bastard but he sure knows how to dance." I asked the elderly tour guide how to get out of there and he pointed straight ahead and said "Just walk out that way!" and sure enough there was suddenly an opening in the twisted web of gates and fences. Realizing I wasn't trapped anymore, I began chatting with the goth girls, who were all commenting on how haunted this place was. We all realized that there were strange pillows lying sporadically around the room where all the Muppets were sitting during the film. The pillows were made from that luminescent material that changes color when you touch it that is popular in rave clothing and on purses with those 3D spectrascopic designs.

Well, when we squeezed the pillows, they took on different forms, becoming animals or vehicles. The girls began asking the pillows questions and they took on a new form to give them an answer. Intrigued by this, I picked up a pillow and asked it to show me someone who died in this room, since everyone knew it was haunted. The pillow morphed into my own profile, which freaked me out and caused me to wake up. So that was it. Any idea what it might mean? What was the significance of the oil well? The Muppets? Michael Jackson? The morphing pillows? The elderly tour guide?

Is this dream a bad omen of things to come or does it suggest a positive direction for the future?

As I said, your comments are welcome.

To read other work by Howard Hallis, click here.