| Douma MEMORIES FROM RANDOLPH, WISCONSIN E.T. IN ARCADIA.... by Douma |
| Their family had this patriarcal figurehead, one of the original emigrees from the old country. He subjected his children to arbitrary whims which, even after they were grown with kids of their own, were viewed as something equal to divine imperatives, regardless of how ridiculous. The fact that he was more than a little mentally unbalanced did not noticeably diminish his standing in the community. In fact he was able to use this flaw to his advantage.
|
| His first wife died at an early age leaving him to raise a large young family by himself. One of the many juicy bits of gossip that circulated was about how he cut out all the advertisments relating to feminine hygiene that were in any of the few newspapers or magazines that might have come into their farmhouse home. This was right before rural areas had electricity, so his daughters grew up in the dark in regards to a lot of things. Over time this family grew to represent an influential percentage in the local church, which unsurprisingly belonged to an extremely conservative branch of Calvanism. |
| Working or shopping on Sunday were forbidden as were drinking, dancing, going to movies, anything that might be fun. The old man wreaked havoc on many occasions with his absurd demands. He nearly caused a schism in the church when he insisted that none of his family would attend services if the minister were to address the Deity by "you" and "yours" instead of "thee" and "thou". (?) Towards the end of his life they put him in a nursing home where he soon garnered a notorious reputation as a dirty old man. Nurses, aides, visitors, anyone that came within reach of his wheelchair was susceptible to assault. His sons did their best to carry on his legacy, especially in matters relating to moral vigilance.
|
| A fantastic opportunity arose when a certain couple began having an extramarital affair. After it became clear that the marriage partners of the couple involved were taking a laisse faire approach and could care less what people said it was decided that the only way to stop this outrage was to catch them in the act. Disguises were used, a motel was placed under a stakeout. What ensued was a high speed chase down country roads, Dukes of Hazard-style. Tires screeched and sparks flew. The brothers had the advantage of numbers and used CB radios to communicate positions. So after some manuevering, they caught the guilty couple with a roadblock on a hairpin curve. They had brought some elders from the church along for the adventure, obstensibly as witnesses. A special meeting of the church consistory (an all male group) was held soon after. The two were given a choice; either repent or be excommunicated.
|
| He chose repentance, she chose excommunication. That night as she was sleeping, she dreamt she had died and was standing before God the judge. To her amazement, he forgave her and said she would spend eternity in Heavenly bliss. Suddenly, she found herself on a strange planet which consisted entirely of a vast frozen ocean. A small, distant sun shined just above the horizon of the sky. Everything was in various hues of a pale blue light. The sea of crystal. Nothing moved, there was no life, she felt nothing except that she was alone. This is Heaven? she thought. When she awoke she felt as if she was suffocating. As for the clan, times were changing and the extent of their influence made people wary of them. The ridicule began and before too long, infighting. In a short time they found themselves permanently divided and ostrasized. |
| The San Francisco Herald is published every other month by Gene Mahoney. All contents of the Herald are copyright 1999-2000 by Gene Mahoney except work not done by Mr. Mahoney (artists retain the copyright to their own work). The publisher is not liable for claims made by its advertisers. The SF Herald is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. For advertising inquires call (415) 267-3957. |